I Mean It To Be Personal

Cadena de Amor - What Matters Most

I know

why I am here

who I love

what I like

what I need to do.

It is different from

what I wish

Those are extra

and fancy too.

In the end it's not how far I have gone

But who is near

when it's time for me to go.

I know who loves me

or at least who I want to love me.

What matters is

I know who I love.

I have come
full circle.
I wanted to go there
 hoping to find what I want
Only to discover
I had it all along.
All the words and cheers
were intoxicating.
I started thinking of going there
and there
 and there.
But there is not where
I long for
otherwise I will be happy going there
because there is not here
and here was my there then.
It is where I am happy.
My refuge.
My home.
My love.

I do not long for an audience

to validate what I do.

No certificate to verify what I did.

I know what I do

I do it well

not because someone tells me

but because I set myself to do so.

Frankly I do not know how I got here

I can't remember ever planning

or plotting

but how I got here I remember,

was not always easy.

This I do know

that whatever I do

I do it because I know it is right

for me

and that is fine by me

and even more so if it make the one I love happy.

Maybe it's not what makes for greatness

It's not so self conscious

and not aiming for glory.

I do not think of myself first

but those who I love the most.

It gives me purpose.

An honorable duty.

I am honored to oblige.

I do not want to love everybody

and heaven forbid if everybody does in turn.

No, I want to love a few

And give it all.

It's personal, you know.

Quite simple

and ordinary

that it makes it rather

special.

Yes!

Thank you for being in my life.

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Sometimes...

Sometimes when he or she is looking back, I look at someone I love, and I keep on gazing at him or her, and just try to be aware of my feelings...I gulp and I choke and have to catch my breath, then look away otherwise I will cry because I am so happy. The intensity rattles me. Sometimes I just look at a photograph then close my eyes. I hear their voices. They are so near. I keep on remembering and recalling. I cannot help it and sometimes ask why things happen. I can hear my agonizing scream in the midst of silence. There are some things that affect me profoundly. I am madly in love and love those I love. It does not matter that some of them are no longer here. I love them just the same. My saving grace is that there are not very many people I truly love. I would not know how to handle it. I cannot be a liar and a hypocrite and say that I love many people. I don't. In fact, I abhor so many, but I also like many. I would never trust anyone who says they love everybody. One loves humanity but not every person. The people I love know I love them. 

I miss my sister.