Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Friday, February 17, 2012
11:47 AM

It rained yesterday.

Yesterday we went out to eat. Inday Ched, Inday Frey, Inday Bec and I. Inday Lyn was preparing her speech for next week's seminar so she stayed at home and worked. We did our best to keep our spirits up but it was most difficult. We missed you. We know you loved going out to eat. All morning, I have been ready to go to U.P. I thought I'd visit our old university campus. I thought I'd walk in front of Palma Hall up to Benitez Hall and perhaps walk in to Vinzon's Hall and buy a fresh pineapple pie. Do you remember that pineapple pie? It cost P14.00 then in 1979. When I came here last year while you were in the hospital, I stopped by Vinzon's. It cost… I already forgot, but a slice costs P45.00. I thought I'd walk towards Malcom and Bocobo Halls. The thought alone was enough to make me cry and cause my chest to burst. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I know I should go on, we shall all go on. But my heart aches. I keep looking at our old photographs, when we were children. You were so pretty and you looked so cheerful, yet so thoughtful. I remember everything that happened when those photographs were taken, except the ones where I was a baby and you were a big girl. You had beautiful smiles in the photographs. There was a photograph where you were holding a book. There was Inday Freah, you and me. We were standing together, each of us holding a book and I was looking at Nanay, while you and Inday Freah were looking at the camera. You were leaning on me. The other day your secretary told us that you got a 100 in karaoke singing "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head." We did not know that. He told us you loved to dance. He told us that you sometimes danced in your law office. He wore the socks you gave him. Sometimes I hear you laughing and giggling. Everyone is so quiet except when we start cleaning. Freah is cleaning. She is rearranging, rearranging… Last night Inday Ched and I took her to the infirmary. A fishbone got stuck in her throat.  She is okay now, the bone dislodged itself when she gagged and coughed. She is going to offer flowers at Tatay's and Nanay's grave when she goes home. I can't go. I need to go back to work soon. I hate the thought of that very long flight. We will be alright. I am just so sad. I don't want anyone to tell me to stop being sad. I miss you… There is a photograph of you holding Inday Lyn, and Inday Frey, Ernesto and I are standing close together. I am holding the plastic basket filled with plastic fruits. Remember those toys? We played "store" and we pretended to be fruit vendors. We sold plastic fruits. Inday Freah said she liked that basket, I do too. 

The skies are gray. I think it is going to rain again.

It is raining...


audrey said...

Hi Ces.
I am so glad you are keeping in touch with us and letting us know how you are. Even though you are very sad and missing your sister, it seems you are doing ok. You will never stop missing Leah... time will just make the hurt more bearable. It has been 1 year and 5 months since my brother died and I still miss him like crazy. I will never stop hearing his laugh or seeing the twinkle in his eyes when he would tease me. But these are the things that keep us going and keep the memories flowing.
I don't envy you the long flight back. Perhaps you will sleep.
Be safe. You are loved.
♥ audrey

brandi said...

~be sad my dear friend for as long as you need...do not let anyone tell you different..keep sharing these stories...speak freely as you are and never apologize for such...feel your emotions that are waxing and waning...it is in soaking up all that is going on and really feeling the saddness, the pain, the anger, the relief of knowing she is safely in the hands of another that will keep her free from all the pains in our world,it is in your joyous beautiful happy memories that will keep you going...be as you are...you have lost a precious gift that is irreplacable...for if you were not saddend we would all start to wonder greatly about you...there will come a day when the sun will shine upon you bringing warm rays of light that fill your spirit and soul...all my love light and blessings shining brightly upon you and yours~

Steve E said...

Be sad, be blue,
so long as you're you.
the laughter, the fun,
the love...kissing.

Playing, praying,
drawing; swimming,
skipping, dripping--
all things were blest
between Leah and Ces

Be sad and blue...
but please be YOU!


Shirley said...

I'm sorry, so sorry, dear Ces. Tears are flowing for you and your family for the terrible loss of your dear sister Leah. Take good care.xoxo

Bella Sinclair said...

Sweetness, the thought of your sister singing and dancing in her office makes me think of you singing in front of your canvas and dancing in the kitchen. Sisters are forever connected.

Good night, good afternoon. Tsup Tsup Tsup

Amalia K said...

I don't have much to say. I just really really wish I could give you a real hug....


k.h.whitaker said...

My heart aches for you Ces. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))


Ces said...

Hello friends, thank you for your kind words. I am just talking to myself sometimes. I do not want you guys to be sad. I do not want to tire you from reading my thoughts. I am not trying to ask for sympathy, even though I appreciate each and everyone of you. You are kind and caring. Thank you. I don't want that to happen because some life-changing events cannot be forgotten or overcome. I don't even think this is something that needs to be overcome nor do I want to do that. It's just the way my life has become. I used to be me. Now I am me. Someday I hope to be able to explain that. Maybe I don't want to, either. Smiles are not infinite, yet life goes on. I also know that my family and I are not the only ones affected by my sister's passing. I saw the pain and heartbreak and some of her friends' faces last week. Today I sent a personal message to one of my sister's very close friend in college.

I wrote:
"Hello M, I am C. I am the younger sister of Leah Adorio. I just wanted you to know that Inday Leah passed away on February 10, 2012. We had a funeral service for her on February 15th. I just remembered you because I have an old photograph of Inday Leah's graduation from La Salle and you were assisting my mother adjust her toga. I hope you are well."

She wrote back:
"Dear Ces,

I was devastated when I received the news of my very, very dear friend passing away. Deep in my heart I had hoped that Leclec will recover because we stormed heaven for her recovery. But then, God willed to take her in His arms to relieve her of her pain. I will always remember Lec's laughter and warmth. Her intelligence and her desire to excel in her studies. She got her dreams.

Ces, I am happy you communicated. Please accept my condolences. Both of us lost a beautiful person whom we loved. Let's offer her to our God who is all knowing what is best for all of us.

God bless."

I have met some of my sister's friends. One high school friend came to the funeral as soon as she heard that morning. We had already gathered at the hall for the funeral procession and no one saw her walk by. I was one of the last ones to go to the hall and I saw my sister's high school friend. I recognized her from an old high school photograph with my sister, of the honor students of their class. I recognized her face and she looked so devastated. I introduced myself and she joined us for the funeral.

It is heartwarming to see so many people share our loss but also came to give thanks and celebrate my sister's life. My sister affected so many lives. Not just through her professions but she was clearly a beloved friend since elementary school.

Thank you very much. I appreciate your care and love. I can cry and hurt just just okay. This is something I have to go through, perhaps even just accept as part of my life from now on.

Thank you so very much.