Voyage

Voyage. Journey. In progress. Do not let the checkered path stop or hinder you. Turn every adventure to a memorable adornment in your glorious and productive life. Let every block be a memory filled with gratitude and celebration. There is a time for sorrow and a time for joy. Let love soothe the former and multiply the latter.

Where are you going? Are you in a place where you thought you would be? When you started your voyage, did you know where you wanted to go? Do you like or accept the place where you are now? Why? Why not?

So many questions.

When I think of the present, I think of where I started and where I have been. I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I think this way, there are songs that play in my head, like Gordon Lightfoot’s “Beautiful” or Frank Sinatra singing "What Are You Doing For The Rest Of Your Life." Then in my mind there is a parade of people's faces to whom the songs apply. My heart softens and my mind recoils in tenderness.

My dearest mother and father come to mind everyday. Everyday to them, I offer my devotion and gratitude and to my sister Leah whose beautiful and exemplary life was cut short a few years ago but continues to inspire me everyday to do my best and make me check myself to be steadfast, brave, just and kind when the competition and struggle heat up. 

Mother's Day.

On Mother's Day, do not celebrate because you are a mother, instead give your children a reason to celebrate because they have a good mother. My mother is the reason why I celebrate this day. She was a most wonderful mother, the best God gave me and my brothers and sisters. She loved my father very much and he loved her the same if not more. My heart is filled with gratitude. 

I am happy.

Sometimes I have tears in my eyes because I am happy. I am happy because I love those I love and am loved by those who love me. I believe in angels. Some are living angels. I am surrounded by good people, gifted with a best friend and showered with gentle and kind acquaintances.

Unaffordable Care Act. On the left, top figure is my bi-weekly payment for my family's health and dental insurance. The bottom figure is the total cost. My mouth hurts. It is very painful. I had oral surgery, then a dental procedure. The other day, while I was brushing the unaffected area, I forgot about my surgery and accidentally ran my electric toothbrush on the surgical area. I cried and knelt in pain. I have six stitches in my mouth. My dentist is excellent, my teeth not so much, they are weak but throughout the years, she has done her best to give me a beautiful smile. Thank you.

I miss eating regular foods, especially salads. I am hoping I will lose weight but that would be a fat chance!

I attended memorial service for a friend who died last week. She was the executive who hired me as the first nurse in information systems department when we started our electronic medical record in 1992. I am grateful that our paths crossed. I also heard the devastating news that another friend of mine died suddenly last January. That's all I heard. For 5 years Heather and I spent every summer afternoon teaching our kids to swim and watching them grow up together. She was only 46. Rest in peace, my friend.

My children do not realize what and how much they do and achieve throughout their lives since birth, no matter how ordinary it may seem to them,  affect me tremendously. I am their ardent and ever faithful supporter and cheerleader. I also happen to be quick, loud and blunt when I know something will end up in pain. As they get older the latter becomes less effective. They are both headstrong and eloquent with their arguments and want to make their own way. I cried with joy when they walked and ran as babies before age one, when they started talking and enunciating and articulating words so early and clearly, how precocious they were, when they left home on their first day of school, when they graduated from pre-school and kindergarten. I was so relieved when my son graduated from high school after going through such challenging teenage years, that was an adventure, and sad that he did not want to attend the ceremony. He has matured and does his best to make me happy. I am so proud of him. His sister does not want to make a big deal with her graduation either. I had to demand that she purchase the announcements. She complained about the costs. She said that everyone who matters already know so there is no point in sending them an announcement. I am being selfish, I do not want to be deprived of this parental privilege again. She relented. 

The other night when my daughter came out of her bedroom in her prom gown she was so radiant and beautiful. I wanted to cry and I felt a pang of sadness that she and her brother grew up far away from my sisters and brothers, not knowing their Lolo and Lola well. Soon she will graduate from high school, with honors. She asked for $10.00 to pay for the stole and cord that will identify her as a member of the National Honor Society. She has brought so much honor to her school through Science Fair, University Interscholastic League competitions in Choir, Drama and especially in Journalism. I am so happy for and so proud of her. Everyday I have the best Mother's Day presents with me. 

I always expected my children to do well in school. I was not the most diligent student when I was young. I always did the minimum to be on the top 10. Watching my daughter's self drive and desire for excellence taught me a lot about her. I am in awe at her constancy and maturity. Once I helped her with a math homework when she was in grade school, she received the lowest score she has ever received in her schooling. She asked me never to help her with a math homework again. School is very competitive. The differences among the top 1% is a matter of a hundredth of points. It is a good thing the girls are all friends. 

I thank God for giving me good children, a most loving husband, a good family through birth and marriage, for surrounding me with good people at work and friends who are kind. My throat and my surgical site in my mouth hurt like hell from crying. I am so happy. I love my family and friends. I love being a mother and wife. Most of all I love my mother so much and I am forever grateful.

God is good. Thank you.

However, college expenses are going to make me impecunious.

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