In going through a journey of self discovery do not forget those who love you…

...in case you stumble and fall, they are the ones who will help you get up on your feet or summon a stretcher for you. They may also be the ones to collect your ashes.

Signs of Spring

Last year I witnessed many great passing, tremendous losses to families and friends of people whose lives affected, inspired and helped many. These were people who knew their calling and performed them with great dedication, honor and integrity. For a while, my Facebook news feed seemed like the obituary pages. These were young people too, a couple were classmates of mine in elementary and high school, my friends and fellow professionals. They were taken away in the prime of their lives. After the collective community grief, the outpouring of condolences, the families who love these people very much, quietly collected their bodies and ashes and moved on. We had our own share of grief.

I don’t want to start on a bleak note here but the turn of the new year always inspires many of us to rethink our personal journeys. It is good practice to weigh our stations in life and to assess our worth as individuals and our contributions. In my circle, most of us think how we can be useful.  I have read of many people’s dreams and the desire to pursue those dreams. I am no exception. I go through the motions and not just in January. When going through the process, I always agonize.

Last month I was so happy. I think it was the happiest I have been since my sister’s passing. I still remember her everyday just as I remember all my sisters and brothers. In my remembrance of my sister Leah, I still feel sad, but every time I light a candle to pray, I see her portrait, smiling, so pretty, with kind eyes, bright and confident. I am bound to weep but I remember how she lived her life. Seeing me weep would have broken her heart, and so I catch myself and think all the wonderful things that she was to me and my family, to the community in general. Then I am inspired and I resolve to be a better person. I steady myself and I am overcome with love. No, I am not being dramatic, I actually feel love. You know, when you feel it and there is no one to whom you can give love,  it sounds rather sad. I never actually had an absence of someone to love, so I would not really know.

Last month, I was so happy! I deactivated all social media sites. I did not answer the mail and return calls except of those important to me. I spent time with my family, my husband and children and pets during the  Christmas holiday. We were relaxing, decorating, cooking, cleaning and celebrating the holidays. It was pure bliss. There were days when there were no television, no radio noise, no music player; just us reading, having conversations, drinking tea. One day we were tasting chocolates. :)

I love reading. I love books. Most of all, I love quietly reading surrounded by people I love. With a warm cup of tea or coffee, looking out the window where the sky was gray, bleak and cold, I was still overcome with peace. I was thinking of my own journey. In the past, I always felt so overwhelmed, lost and confused planning it. I knew why! My plan showed Me, I, Myself. When I stopped doing that and included the people I love, I found a clearer path. Most of all, I was smiling. I noticed I did not do any art. 

Yes, I was happy without art. Imagine that!


Lisa Graham Art said...

Much to ponder from this post Ces...it is thought provoking. You are often good at that...likely because you have been through a lot. I am so happy you had such an amazing time with your family...it's so so important.

Big hugs and many blessings in the New Year!!

Steve E said...

Frequently, Dear Ces, Peeps have said to me, "Steve, you are NOT a human-DOING. You are a human BEING!"

This does not translate to "lazy", but rather to have LIFE, to LIVE, enjoy, share, give.

ALL of that is collected under one shelter,
whether that is YOU, the mother...
or whether It is Greatest Other...
God--everywhere and above!

However named, it is but LOVE!

Your family and closest friends are so blessed--by you!
And Ces, with love returned, you are blessed by them.
(For EVERY gift is twice-blessed...in He who gives, and he who takes...")

Thank you SO MUCH for this post, your thoughts!

Tammie Lee said...

how lovely that you enjoyed a wonderful month with those who are dear to you

i feel happy for you
i feel peace as i read your words
thank you for sharing your experience

warm hug

Arija said...

Ces dearest, it is so good to see you opening your heart like this. It has been one hell of a year. What with my sister to start with, Peter having to be incarcerated in a nursing home, and at the end of the year, losing three dear four legged friends. Grandson is still completely cut up about losing his beloved German shepherd just before Christmas. Granddaughter is feeling the great loss of her beloved unicorn, her companion and confidante os 20 out of her 21years and between Christmas and Yew Years, the lady vet refused to believe that one of our special cats had snakebite and farted around so long that they could not save him at the vet hospital. All of us were devastated by the sheer incompetence and loss of a dear, dear family friend.
I do hope this new year brings peace and contentment back into our lives.

Rod MacGregor said...

Its a well written post and inspires thought and contemplation of existence..of which I suppose we are all prone...Art is a good way to meditate to escape from
the worlds harsh realties...I think enjoyment without it may show you have an inner peace. Nice drawing..you make trees look easy!

Bella Sinclair said...

I think the only thing more beautiful than your art is the love you have for your family. You fill my heart with happiness and make my life richer. Enjoy your journey, my dearest Ces. Tsup!

brandi said...

~your words resonate deep within me...a few years back we lost someone quite dear to us...it was after his passing i pulled away and started searching deep within myself...i pondered life at a whole new level and realized who and what was really important and substance in my life...many did not understand my process nor do they now but i came through with a greater sense of clarity of where i wanted my life to be...how i wish to fill my days...ces...your heart speaks of gold...truth and inner wisdom...we are blessed to have someone like you to remind us of the important ways of life...to many more cups of quite tea and being surrounded always by those you love~