In going through a journey of self discovery do not forget those who love you…

...in case you stumble and fall, they are the ones who will help you get up on your feet or summon a stretcher for you. They may also be the ones to collect your ashes.

Signs of Spring

Last year I witnessed many great passing, tremendous losses to families and friends of people whose lives affected, inspired and helped many. These were people who knew their calling and performed them with great dedication, honor and integrity. For a while, my Facebook news feed seemed like the obituary pages. These were young people too, a couple were classmates of mine in elementary and high school, my friends and fellow professionals. They were taken away in the prime of their lives. After the collective community grief, the outpouring of condolences, the families who love these people very much, quietly collected their bodies and ashes and moved on. We had our own share of grief.

I don’t want to start on a bleak note here but the turn of the new year always inspires many of us to rethink our personal journeys. It is good practice to weigh our stations in life and to assess our worth as individuals and our contributions. In my circle, most of us think how we can be useful.  I have read of many people’s dreams and the desire to pursue those dreams. I am no exception. I go through the motions and not just in January. When going through the process, I always agonize.

Last month I was so happy. I think it was the happiest I have been since my sister’s passing. I still remember her everyday just as I remember all my sisters and brothers. In my remembrance of my sister Leah, I still feel sad, but every time I light a candle to pray, I see her portrait, smiling, so pretty, with kind eyes, bright and confident. I am bound to weep but I remember how she lived her life. Seeing me weep would have broken her heart, and so I catch myself and think all the wonderful things that she was to me and my family, to the community in general. Then I am inspired and I resolve to be a better person. I steady myself and I am overcome with love. No, I am not being dramatic, I actually feel love. You know, when you feel it and there is no one to whom you can give love,  it sounds rather sad. I never actually had an absence of someone to love, so I would not really know.

Last month, I was so happy! I deactivated all social media sites. I did not answer the mail and return calls except of those important to me. I spent time with my family, my husband and children and pets during the  Christmas holiday. We were relaxing, decorating, cooking, cleaning and celebrating the holidays. It was pure bliss. There were days when there were no television, no radio noise, no music player; just us reading, having conversations, drinking tea. One day we were tasting chocolates. :)

I love reading. I love books. Most of all, I love quietly reading surrounded by people I love. With a warm cup of tea or coffee, looking out the window where the sky was gray, bleak and cold, I was still overcome with peace. I was thinking of my own journey. In the past, I always felt so overwhelmed, lost and confused planning it. I knew why! My plan showed Me, I, Myself. When I stopped doing that and included the people I love, I found a clearer path. Most of all, I was smiling. I noticed I did not do any art. 

Yes, I was happy without art. Imagine that!

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