A Sinistral Serenade With A Peacock

A Sinistral Serenade With A Peacock. Oil on canvas, 30"x40". Dedicated to Inday Leah. I have been struggling what to say about this painting, then I had a discussion with my friend and and I told her what I thought. Hahahaha! I decided to share it here. I think this pretty much explains what I feel at the moment:

"You know, this painting is about how I feel about blogging and art at the moment. I love both and hate both. I am so ambivalent about these things lately. I continue to blog because it makes the people I love happy when they read and see what I have to say. Like my sister Leah, when she says she feels a connection to me. I love painting but I also hate the fact that I seem overruled by the desire to paint. I wish I did these things in moderation and rather nonchalantly. I also hate the fact that I fret over this every so often. Why can't I just enjoy it? I can't because when I do it, it is an obsession. I don't even give myself time to appreciate or enjoy what I just painted. It's not what I painted but rather that I am painting that seems to be the focus. Anyway. More blah blah blah…"

My little painting corner above...where I sit with my easel, palette and brushes; and Daisy in a love seat nearby. This week my son picked up a stray puppy that has been abused and abandoned ...that's another story.

Sunflowers, Those I Love...

Sunflowers, those I love. 30"x40" Oil on canvas. Why do we keep things? Why do we surround ourselves with objects? They straddle us, bound our spirits, prevent our wings from taking flight...

There is so much I wanted to write as I was overcome with thoughts and feelings when I was painting this picture. Lately I have been longing to change. To not be so affected, to be detached, to be free of wants and needs. Oh, I struggle. I get confused and conflicted. Someone might as well give me a lobotomy. Now that this painting is almost finished (it will take 6 to 12 months for the pigments to fully dry and oxidize before I can varnish this painting), my eloquence departs me. It is just as well; no one really knows what I think, what I feel. No one really cares; except those who sit in my chair and ruin my sleep, take my money and my things, hurt me, support me, love me and make me alive. Does this ever happen to you? You think of someone and you quiver and your heart beats so fast and you cry because you cannot contain your feelings... and to think that it is just Daisy, no wonder she struggles to free herself of my hug. I cannot help it. I love those I love, too much, too much, it hurts. What is wrong with me! Henceforth, I am giving everyone I love the liberty to be free of me. Be like Daisy, wiggle your way out so you can sleep soundly... oh wait, she's the one who ruins my sleep! I really can't help it. Ugh!

This is The Fiesta Series. I love what my friend Arija said to me:

I am so glad you are painting again. A girl who loves Fiesta ware cannot depict all of life in black and white.