Why?

Decorating The Tree. Folded 11"x14" Bristol Board. Front (top) and Back (bottom).

No, I am not asking why I decorate the tree. I am questioning myself why I keep doing this…drawing. I can’t seem to stop yet in the middle of it I ask myself why I am doing it, it’s like someone put a curse on me to keep on doodling and doodling and squiggling and on and on…

Delivery!

Pigment ink on Bristol Board which turned out to already have a drawing started on the other side.. 11"x14"

Christmas has officially begun at my house. The tree is up and most of the decorations are hung. I love Christmas! I love everything about Christmas. I make no apologies for Christmas. I make no apologies to those who do not celebrate it or celebrate a different form. They are welcome to my home and my parties if I know them and if they are my friends. I greet them a Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays or Have a nice day. It's Christmas and so it shall be. It has no other name for me. I celebrate it as much as I can.

We have many traditions, mostly from my childhood which was a lot of fun, austere in materialism yet rich in joy and mirth, food and sharing. My parents loved Christmas and they did not lecture us about the true meaning of Christmas because we knew and the lessons that come with it were taught to us everyday. So we did not have practices or say things to appear politically correct or avant-garde that year. In fact there was hardly any of that, we had a traditional Christmas, a religious celebration. I received a new pair of shoes and a new dress to wear for church and the family portrait. My sister and I shared a new doll. If we were lucky, we received toy gifts from our relatives but we did not ask for much. We had no list, we did not want to stress our mother by asking for things we could not afford although I remember asking for toy guns every year and I was so happy to receive them. They had powder bullets and I pretended to be a cowboy. Since we have Chinese relatives we also had Chinese celebrations and food, a lot of sticky cakes wrapped in red and gold, even though some of them were Buddhists. Mostly we cooked a lot of food. My favorite cooking chore was grating the cheese for the macaroni salad and my favorite foods were but-ong, a sticky rice wrapped in a banana leaf cone and cooked in coconut milk; ibus, which was intricately wrapped in palm leaf and puto and bibingka cupped steamed in cupped banana leaves.

I love Christmas parties. I met The Viking at a Christmas party. Christmas parties are a good place to meet men, better than meeting them at a bar which I never visited, therefore had no chance, because I do not drink except twice a year - half a glass of Piesporter Auslese on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I do not like champagne. I never had beer all my life, I have no desire to taste it, yet I love stemware and will fill it up with some other drink. I also love reading about wine; I buy the latest edition of Hugh Johnson's wine book and I like buying bottles of wine. I was nine months pregnant with my son and there I was at Spec's pushing a cart full of wine cases and bottles for our Christmas and New Year's Eve parties and who do I meet in the German wine section?...my primary physician!

I do not like people who get inebriated and intoxicated. As a nurse I worked every Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve so the nurses with families may celebrate these holidays with their families. I always worked the trauma rooms and said the same prayer every time I entered them, that no one will die or be maimed by a drunk driver. The smell of alcohol and blood lingers in my mind. It's an awful smell and visions of our trauma room with blood everywhere are still vivid. Christmas is not joyful for everyone. I hated calling the families to tell them of their dead relatives. I try to be cognizant of that in my merry making and remind my children that some holidays are painful for others, so it's right for them to be sad.

I love Christmas carols. I love Ella Fitzgerald, The Carpenters, Dean Martin, Manheim Steamroller, Burl Ives, and Brenda Lee singing Christmas carols. I especially love Bing Crosby and David Bowie (yes) singing a medley of Little Drummer Boy and Peace on Earth.

We all love to watch classic Christmas movies like A Year Without a Santa, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. I watch A Christmas Story and I get excited every time I see the Fiesta dishes.

We have a family tradition. Every New year's Eve we get together as a family and have a family photograph. It is a tradition my father started and I love it. In 1973 I left home before Christmas to attend an international Girl Scout encampment. I arrived in Manila and was met by my sister. She was unable to go home because of her professorial responsibilities, so we celebrated a very quiet Christmas together and then after camp, we celebrated New year's Eve together again. I remember walking hand in hand with her at the university campus, I am so proud of my eldest sister! When I was in New Jersey, I celebrated my holidays with another elder sister and friends and we had our photographs taken on New Year's Eve. I sent them home to my parents to show them my extended family. My mother loved to hear me talk about every one of my friends. She always asked about them. How I wish I could tell her about my sisterfriends.

I wish you a happy Christmas season celebration with your family and friends.

Illustration Friday - Entangled

Illustration Friday - Entangled In Balanced Music In An Unbalanced World

Pigment ink on 11"x14" Bristol Board

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Entangled

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How low will you go?

Bow to the King.

Bow to the Emperor.

Bow to the Prime Minister.

Perhaps bowing is not enough?

Looking good

is not the same

as doing what is good.

It's your turn.

Get:

Dangled.

Tangled.

Entangled.

Beheaded.

Bayonetted.

Hanged.

Gassed.

Massacred.

Bombed.

Terrorized.

Guilt:

Bated.

Abated.

Experiment:

Baited.

Trapped.

Skewered.

Truth:

Cloaked.

Hushed.

Sugarcoated.

Peace:

Appeased.

Bogus

medals.

Audacious.

No peace.

Wealth:

Confiscated.

Resdistributed.

Socialized.

Bailout.

Entitlement.

Reparations.

History:

Covering.

Forgetting.

Denying.

Are not equal to:

Forgiving.

Closing.

Moving.

Political

Correctness

is

cannibalism.

Eating

your

heart.

Big Little Things

I love the holidays! Every year I get a Noah's ark ornament or toy. There is something that endears me to the representations of that cataclysmic event. On the right is a miniature Noah's ark toy set for one of my daughter's American Girl dolls . It's funny how dolls have their own toy dolls and toys but there it was the American Girl dolls that my daughter had when she was younger had a Noah's ark set. She and I played together with them for hundreds of hours.

I loved today's Thanksgiving celebration at home. It was very calm and stress-free and everything was delicious, or perhaps I was just hungry. The epsilons cleaned the house and helped me clean up after dinner.

My daughter continued making her dolls. She made her second doll. She calls him Paco. My son watched a movie with a friend. The Viking and Daisy dozed off together on the love seat while I stretched my legs in the sofa.

I was beginning to relax when the little things scattered around the living room caught my eyes. I love little things. I like very tiny detailed things. I like fun things. The only serious things I like to have are books, kitchen and cooking equipment and dishes. The little things that are fun and look like toys make me smile and feel very young. Here are some of the little things I like:

Izzy kept me company in the kitchen today. Tiny things inside the curio cabinets of the entertainment center include netsukes from Japan; an antique porcelain ashtray belonging to The Viking's grandfather now holding a Christmas charm bracelet given to my daughter by her grandmother; a lampberger gift from The Viking, a mold of a sow with piglets given by The Viking's cousin who is a sculptor; a miniature paddle which my Father-in-law carved while we were chatting by the banks of Crystal Lake in Wisconsin. They are all in front of a row of antique classic books which belonged to The Viking's father when he was a teenager and a German Bible which belonged to The Viking's German great-grandparents. More Noah's arks and on the wall, a birthday gift from my friend Valerie Walsh.

Not sure if your lawyer gives you little things when he goes on vacation but ours does. He gave me this birdseed duck from the Caribbeans; the American Graffiti model car was assembled by my son when he was 7 years old; the sleepy bear figurine was a gift to him when he was a newborn from his grandmother and the partially hidden Halloween ghost figurine was a present to my daughter from her grandmother. I bought the fireplace keeper in Wisconsin when we had The Viking's family reunion and his parents' 50th wedding anniversary; the Noah's Ark figurine is a Christmas present from The Viking and the framed painting of an Edward Hick's print of Noah's Ark is a Christmas present from my mother-in-law during my first year of marriage to The Viking. The cylinder of miniature conch shells were originally in an egg sac washed ashore in Delaware and found by The Viking's friend who gave it to me for my collection. I collect shells and I brought back with me the giant triton shell from the Philippines during my first visit back home in 1987. It is now illegal to take these giant shell specimen out of the country.

When my sister went on a 7-country European tour several years ago, she asked me what I wanted for a present. I told her I wanted a pig figurine from each country. I kid you not, she was looking for pig figurines at the Vatican, in Pisa and Rome, Paris, Amsterdam and other European cities. The baby shoes belonged to my Father-in-law. On the right are the first Christmas decorations I displayed after Thanksgiving.

The crystal figurines of a teddy bear and a frog on the silver tea seat are gifts to the epsilons from their grandmother. The angel adorning the China cabinet door knob was picked up during one of our family vacations in San Antonio; the mountain goat and the bison clay figurines are remembrances from our cabin camping trip in South Dakota with some of The Viking's family.

Christmas and other ornaments adorning the China cabinet that I keep displayed throughout the year.

The delft salt and pepper shakers of a Dutch boy and girl are presents from my friend during her visit to Amsterdam...getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner...

Daisy celebrates her first birthday anniversary. I tried to have a really nice table but the epsilons prominently displayed their cans of Diet Coke instead of using their stemmed glasses...my daughter's handmade dolls Izzy and Paco.

Happy Thanksgiving Day To All!

This is Izzy. Tonight while I was in the kitchen making advanced preparations for tomorrow's Thanksgiving celebration and intermittently responding to calls from work and logging on into my laptop, my daughter was watching The Rescuers from her laptop on the kitchen table. She brought my sewing box into the kitchen and some of her old clothes, started cutting up pieces of cloth. She said she was going to make a doll. Well, I'll be buttered on both sides! She did make a doll! It is so cute. Earlier she and her brother were asking me what I want from them for Christmas. I want this doll. My daughter wants to keep him. She says she will make me a different one. I just hope I won't lose my buttons from my suits because she is using those extra buttons that come with suits and shirts that I save, just in case. Say hello to Izzy. He is going to be around for a long time. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

A Day In A Life

My drawings are witnesses to a flurry of activities...

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Concentrate...concentrate...
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Actually I hardly concentrate. It's like when you are staring into a picture but you are actually looking through the picture, not at the picture. Instead I am thinking of things, different things, my frustrating rule writing day earlier, my son's friends coming over and cleaning the refrigerator, my younger sister's birthday, her life. I hope my sisters read what I wrote about our youngest sister on yesterday's post. I am sure they have other opinions. I think of my life, of course. Yesterday was The Viking's birthday. He was happy. He is happy. So am I, even though something is weighing on my mind. The ink is almost absentmindedly and instinctively squiggled and lined on the Bristol board...

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I can hear the laughter and the youthful vigor of three teenage girls conducting an experiment, of all things, about mobile phone usage. Not sure about the row of writing materials laid out in front of them...
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...and underneath the table, a constant to and fro movement of a warm body, squeezing past my legs and sometimes just resting her longing face on my lap...

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I love this dog. She is one year old this week. Her name is Daisy Brenna Euclid. Euclid sounds better than Pythagoras. Happy Birthday our dearest darling family pet! She is gentle, loving, caring, touchy-feely, protective and on the mark intelligent and almost human dog. If I bet my shirt that I would never, in a million years kiss a dog, I would be cold tonight.

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It's quiet once again. Everyone is asleep. Happy Birthday my dearest Inday Lynette. I love you.

I have a rule to write tomorrow, err...later today. I am starting all over again...

Happy Birthday Inday Lynette

Today is my baby sister's birthday, November 24th.

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Happy Birthday Inday Lynn! May you have many more birthdays to come. May you grow old and have thick grey hair. May you remain kind, gentle, industrious, persevering, patient and smart as a whip or a pistol or a guava twig. May you preserve your big beautiful eyes so you can see in old age, so you and I can sit side by side and continue that “counting" game we did when we were little girls. Do you remember that game? Short on toys, we invented our own games using our books! We were very competitive. I won most of the time, you cried when you lost so I always got a lot of flack from Mother for making you cry. She said I was not nice, she said I was sutil she said I was lampingasan and you stood there looking at me first smiling, even though I saw through those beautiful eyes of yours that you were later sad and wanted to take my punishment.

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Do you remember the time Mother spanked me, she was exasperated because I was defiant and pulled any item she used for spanking me? She pulled back and I let go and she lost her balance. I was so defiant and I saw fear in your eyes because you knew I was really going to get it and you protested to her and you said "It was my fault" You wanted to take my punishment for me. You always did. Mother ended up mad at both of us so she punished us by making us sit in opposite corners of her bedroom. We sobbed and when we calmed down, she returned because you were screaming! Why did you scream? ...because when no one was looking, I turned around to look at you and pretended I was a ghost or a zombie or Dracula and walked towards you. You were so scared and I giggled. When mother came back I was quietly sitting in the corner. In fact I was kneeling to show her how repentant I was and you had a hard time explaining to her why you were screaming. Oh I was such a tease!

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However, would you agree that when we stepped outside of the house, I was your self appointed protector, your bodyguard, your secret agent and your army? At seven, I was ready to go to jail for you or be sent to the electric chair for protecting you when those bullies Junior, Mayot, Moron, Wambol, Bilat Sarya and Boy Libat, (what kind of names were those!) hurt you? I so enjoyed my revenge! No one was going to hurt you while I was around. I worried about you in school. I was so happy when you found good friends. I was shocked when at fifteen you left home to go to college, in another island! You came back confident and knew what you wanted.

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I was so proud of you when you graduated from U.P. and when you went to medical school. I was so proud of you when you became a doctor. I was so proud of you when you became the chief resident. I was frustrated when you accepted payments of chickens and coconuts from your indigent patients! I was so impressed when you successfully opened a boutique. I was so happy when you fell in love with a handsome, good, kind, intelligent doctor who was a Gemini born on the same year I was. I was devastated and heartbroken when he died. I wanted so much to take your place in your suffering.

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You are an admirable woman. It's ironic, Mother thought I was the strong one, the truth is, you are the stronger one. You are smarter and more gifted. You picked up a guitar and played it by merely listening to the tune. You picked up a thread and needle and instead of doing puny cross stitch projects like I did, you created tapestries! You graduated with a bachelor’s degree and then a M.D. and then a Masters and now a PhD. Me? I just have the double MD degrees (Married degree and Mommy degree). You are the kind and quiet one. You are a terrific mother. You are a wonderful woman.

I love you Inday Lynn. Get ready for our game. Do you know why I draw 100 butterflies, 3000 leaves, 100 rats, 100 people in my drawings? It is because of you! It reminds me of our game. Oh by the way, do you remember when you wrote on my chest with a No.2 Mongol pencil? Ack! It had red ink; my blood dripping from the abraded skin. Oh you finally had it with me with my relentless teasing. You were so angry. You ran than pencil on my chest. That’s when I knew you could take care of yourself.
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Please send a check for $20,000.00 to pay for the removal of my chest scar. Okay, just kidding. Aaaah! I miss you! I love you. Happy Birthday!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Happy Birthday To The Viking!

One day, The Viking and I woke up very early. It was around 4 o'clock in the morning. Coffee on hand, we went outside, it was very foggy. We stood in front of our house and hugged each other in the middle of the street. We were the only souls. We thanked each other for each other. We talked about the epsilons. It was very comforting to stand in the middle of the street so dark and foggy and just the two of us drawing comfort from one another. I ran inside and got the camera.

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Happy Birthday to The Viking! I have been thinking about him. How this gentle, funny, humble, loving and intelligent soul came into my life and made it fuller, in every sense of the word! I met the Viking on December 19, 1979 at 9:00 o’clock P.M. Yes. I remember because that is when I fell in love. I fell hard. I had to grab a table to prevent myself from crashing. Things happen for a reason and that is why I attended a Christmas party where I knew no one.

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The Viking is a peaceful man. He was a Peace Corps Volunteer when I met him but really, his demeanor is peaceful. He is funny, very funny and I am laughing just typing this sentence because I remember his jokes which I cannot retell because I always screw up the punch line. He makes me laugh everyday. He also irritates me. He can say the same thing about me. We are a match. I was attracted to the Viking because he was handsome and cute. Of course, from across the room I did not know the guy had brains so I was attracted to the obvious. He loves maps and cartography, he loves to travel, though not my style of travel. He traveled from the southern tip of India to Kathmandu for a year and lost 100 pounds, was unrecognized even by his own mother when he got off the plane. I sent him to meet my family and if they liked him or approved of him I was going to marry him. I also sent him to meet my friends for the same purpose. He obliged. He is a good man.

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He loves to read, he loves history and he reads all the time. He read to the children when they were young, a lot, he changed their diapers, took care of them when they were sick, fed them and did homework with them, he still does when they ask. I only did language arts and construction project homework with the kids. The Viking loves math. Sometimes he lectures me about history and math. I am a good wife. I pretend to listen. Actually I pretend to be detached but deep down I actually listen because it turns me on:

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The Viking

is like a number.
Everyday,

my blessings I count.
They add up.
My loneliness

he subtracts.

My emptiness
he nullifies.
My sadness

he voids.
My happiness

he multiplies.
He is whole.
Quite lovable
A fraction of him
totally irresistible.
His pleasures

are rational
Though sometimes
when with friends
they can be irrational.
He is even
but when I am not
in the mood,

he can be odd.
He is prime.
He is constant.
From him

I cannot be divided.
His love is infinite.
Happy birthday Honey,
I forgot how old you are.
Let’s not count,

just celebrate.

Not For Children

Several of you were commenting that this picture may be fitting for a children's book. I think not!

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Sometimes what my hand squiggles, doodles and squirts are not always wholesome. This does not mean I don't derive satisfaction from drawing them. I am not all giddy or happy compared to drawing a tree and some of the things I have painted or drawn in the past actually make me cringe and very uncomfortable. They are difficult and unpleasant. I try not to post them and sometimes after I have drawn an entire picture, I give myself the pleasure of tearing it up! I do not make a record of it, no scans, no photographs. I have torn several drawings. I have only thrown away one painting in the trash, I try not to do this because tearing a canvas is like tearing a fifty dollar bill. It was a good sized painting, 30"x40", so first I had to remove the canvas from the frame before I cut up the painting. I do not enjoy cutting or tearing up my artwork. It's like burning a book. I have only done that once, but the act is liberating.

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Be careful when enlarging things. Sometimes it's best not to see. My magnifying glass and eyeglasses are wicked! I am calling this drawing "One Hundred Rats and One Cat." I have drawn 23 rats so far.

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Not your average children's book illustration...

Not some kind of wonderul...

Not sweet nothings!

P.S. I made four painting studies yesterday. I intend to paint them on four 30"x40" canvases. I have everything ready and will start as soon as I get something out of the way.

Illustration Friday - Balanced Music

Balanced Music. Pigment ink on 11"x14" Bristol Board.Click on images to display larger view.

Hieronymus, the Tarzan-like boy played the violin while his little Incan friends accompanied him as they played music while maintening balance in an unbalanced world. This is the continuation of my Illustration Friday Project, a compilation of small and random drawings of Illustration Friday themes on one whole drawing. The first theme drawn on this board was last week's topic of "Unbalanced". On the left is a penny just to show the relative size of the musicians. You may see a big rat by Hieronymus's right side.

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