6/19/09

Illustration Friday - Drifting




Not drifting,
But resilient.
Open,
And not close.
Feel and be real,
But my heart can no longer break...
It has to learn to stretch so I can embrace the corners of the globe to envelope those I love in times of sorrow, in sympathy for the personal losses of my dearest Bella Sinclair in Japan, Diana Evans in Canada and Arija in Australia. This month! It has brought me great joy and sorrow alike.

I am not superstitious. I am used to death and dying. It is to me, no matter how a life ends, a part of the circle of life. I do not judge death as fair or unfair. It is what it is. Life has no guarantees, no templates and no known script. However, I give myself permission to react whether in anger or in sorrow. I have seen death as a child, deaths of my playmates from trauma in front of my own eyes; and of classmates from illnesses, of children ran over by motor vehicles in the city streets and later as a student nurse, I wrapped my first dead patient when I was 16 years old. There were many more deaths to come. One day I performed three post mortem care procedures and filled three death certificates as a trauma nurse. I have also filled birth certificates followed by death certificates with the same birth and death times. It gets heavy and my resilient mind and heart have learned to empathize with the loss while being present for the living and allow me to focus on the tasks at hand.

Death can be beautiful. It was in the case of my beloved Mother. She died while my sister and I held her in our arms and each of us kissing her forehead. We have done all we could. We nursed her day and night for three weeks. She was defiant, refusing to talk to the priest and approving our plans to take her home where she was to settle with twenty-four hour home nursing care. Then one day she agreed to talk and asked me to pray for her. The day before she was scheduled to go home, her physical suffering seemed to have ceased and my sister awakened me from a light nap by our Mother’s bed.

My sister is blessed. As a nurse in the intensive trauma unit she and her fellow nurses have learned to skillfully monitor patients with great clinical skills and as a human being, she is blessed with an enormous capacity for love, generosity and empathy. She is also a spiritual being. She is cognizant of the signs of impending death that are not written in textbooks; the spiritual signs. In the early morning before I clinically declared my Mother’s death, there was a harbinger of news. I did not know then and I was apt to dismiss it as a coincidence. My sister told me to let it be and to focus on facilitating my Mother’s passage with comfort and prayers.

I have learned to be open now. On Saturday when my dearest sister-friend told me of the tragic news, the same messenger came to my bedroom and furiously circled around me and all over my project notes and papers. I was wrapped up in sorrow and pain as I physically felt my heart breaking to pieces, meanwhile the messenger taunted me. It continued to do so for half an hour and then I remembered my sister’s words. It finally stopped and left when I verbally acknowledged it and said “Yes, I know.”


For Bella:
Many of you have expressed interest in supporting Bella through this difficult time. if you would like to contribute a letter, poem or piece of artwork to a care package for Bella (no financial contributions please), contact Aimee at Artsyville (at) gmail (dot) com.

.
I have said all I can. I must now retreat and proceed in silence...

For Bella


Bella Sinclair. "She regaled them with stories of odd hobbies and sprouts at the CuppaCuppa Tree."
Bella Sinclair, Ces and Aimee
.
Thank you very much to all of you for all the supportive comments you left for Bella here and at her blog. I am comforted to see such outpouring of affection for Bella and her daughters. Bella is truly someone special to all of us. When she returns I think she will find it heartwarming to see this genuine display of affection and support.
Many of you have expressed interest in supporting Bella through this difficult time. if you would like to contribute a letter, poem or piece of artwork to a care package for Bella (no financial contributions please), contact Aimee at Artsyville (at) gmail (dot) com.
Today is a sad day for my dearest friend, reiki master Arija. Her only brother passed away last night in Australia. If you have a chance, please stop by her blog and offer her your support. Arija is an accomplished photographer, a poet and an absolute phenomenal woman.
Blogging
Blogworld is an odd place. That I feel deep emotional ties to someone with whom I have not shared the same air in a room is rather unfathomable at times. Yet every pore of my body feel love for Bella that I can only compare to the love I have for my family. Blogging provides a place to develop intimacy with anonymity. We find ourselves more open with our blog relationships that we take it to a private line. Perhaps the reason why such closeness is prone to develop at a rapid pace is because we do not have to deal with all the quirks of human nature, of physicality, of habits and mannerisms that we may find annoying or hinder us from establishing human contact. Instead we go straight to what is meaningful to us, a deep bond with someone whose intellect, artistic talents, values and ideals we seek and admire.
I have not been around your blogs lately due to work commitments. Summer is peak season for project implementations. I just had one this weekend and it is going well. This summer we will be installing our massive clinical information system at our newest member hospital. It will require some night shift rotations on my part which immediately start after I return from my trip. I will try to make up visiting you as soon as am able.
Thank you very much.

6/17/09

My Muse In Transit


My dearest Blogfriends,


I appreciate all of you and welcome you with open arms. I don't visit very many blogs, I tend to choose the ones I admire the most and then stick with them, but please grant me this privilege. I miss someone so terribly. She is in transit, on a journey with her beautiful epsilons minus their recently dear departed loving father, my friend's beloved. I wish them well. I am hopeful. I long for the day when I hear a cheerful hello on the other end of the line. In the meantime, please allow me to reminisce why this lovely human being is my muse, my beloved sister-friend. She inspires me in the most unsuspecting ways...I think of her and what she likes and what makes her laugh and my pigment ink pen glides effortlessly on the Bristol board. She tells me to resurrect a painting and it awakens...The irony of it all. She does not like attention to herself, not even on her birthday. She is a humble extremely gifted, talented artist and equally accomplished intellectual. If by chance she catches a wi-fi and opens up her iPod or MacBook Air and sees this, her toes will heat up and there will be a chance I will hear how I made her so self conscious. But right now, this is between you and me, about my muse and who inspires me. Here are some comments and post passages from my blog:
.

Ces said...I found my muse and I can't wait to paint.
.



"Bella, is my Thalia who makes me laugh, my Calliope and Erato who make me wax poetic, my Euterpe who makes me sing despite being out of tune and my Terpsichore who makes me skip and jump. She, with my Espilons, my Viking, my family and friends make my life fuller, happier and more blessed..She, together with Renee and Arija, inspire me to new heights, they brush the cobwebs of self doubt in my mind and power wash the stain of disappointment in my heart."
.
.
But first, I will draw for she loves pen and ink...
.






Bella Sinclair said...
Oh look, Ces! Look how adorable these two little girls are! They are so happy together. Awwwwwwww. Take my hand, and close your eyes, and together we will be six years old again in a gorgeous forest of inky leaves and beautiful, strong trunks. You will have to teach me how to plant a tree, since I was a city girl at six and didn't know much about gardening then.
Saturday, April 18, 2009 1:30:00 AM
Ces said...
Hehe. So was I. Most of the tree planting I did were at school or we took field trips to the mountains to plant trees. However, it is simple to plant a tree - dig a hole and just stick it there! Hahaha!Seriously though. My daughter told me that she and her classmates planted three red oaks and a maple in front of their school and when I asked her for details she was so surprised why I had so many questions. I told her that someday, 20, 30 years from the time they planted the trees she can go back and look at the trees and remember what she was like when she planted them and also remember her friends.She snapped me back to reality when she replied "Now why would I go back to intermediate school just to look at a tree?" I replied, "...because I did and still do. Every time I go home to the Philippines I visit my elementary school and check the mahogany tree and the acacia trees that we planted and they bring back memories." Then she said "Mom that is so boring. Are there any other places to visit there?"Haha!
Saturday, April 18, 2009 2:10:00 AM
Bella Sinclair said...
Hahaha! Well, she may change her mind yet. I don't think I was very interested in trees when I was a young teen. :)

Ces said...
Bella, I always loved trees since I was a young child and the irony of it all, we only have one tree in our yard now. She loves trees but they have to be really "outstanding." Saturday, April 18, 2009 6:16:00 AM
Bella Sinclair said...
Man, this is crazy wicked! Tight!
Saturday, April 18, 2009 8:30:00 AM
Ces said...
Bella you are tight!
Saturday, April 18, 2009 9:02:00 AM

Bella Sinclair said...
My gosh, I bow down to you. I came back here to smile at these two little girls, and I found I could hardly breathe when I saw the beauty of that mighty forest. The trees are so strong and tall and dense and lush. And I love the way the light reflects softly on the water. And those gorgeous, smooth rocks. Why is that one rock frowning, I wonder?Ces, you are really, truly amazing. Wicked good.
Saturday, April 18, 2009 10:08:00 PM
Ces said...
Bella! It rained all day, thunder and lightning and the absence of sunshine made me long for night because I know you'd wake up and deliver the sunshine! :) Ah the frowning face but did you see the man carrying a heavy load and the woman and the long mustached old man and the sinister lecherous looking leaves. Those two girls, will they be safe?Saturday, April 18, 2009 10:43:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
You are such a bundle of fun to hide little treats in your drawings. The more I look, the more I see. I found the man with the long, long mustache. I found a few other interesting beings and the faces in the trees. The two little girls will be safe. I am sure of it. Their happiness and love for each other are enough to ward off all evil. Besides, they bring life.
Saturday, April 18, 2009 11:06:00 PM
Ces said...
Bella sweetheart. You are absolutely right. See that spade? That cute little girl, she is a mental ninja. All she would do is say HIYYAH! and the faces will retreat.



Renee said...
Acorn + Ces + Bella + Renee = Life and Immortality.xoxoxo
Monday, April 13, 2009 7:54:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
Acorn + Ces + Bella + Renee A + C + B + R Hmmmmm.....C R A B
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:03:00 PM
Ces said...
Bella + Acorn + Renee + Ces = B-RAC Pronounced "BARACK" Oh no!
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:06:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
Bric-a-brac
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:15:00 PM
Ces said...
Uh...uh...I pass!
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:19:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
Pass me the plate of CARBs
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:21:00 PM
Ces said...
Oh you are in your finest mental ninja form tonight! Let me see...hmn...hmmmmnnn...Ooh! Size C BRA!
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:31:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
Pfffffft!
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:34:00 PM
Ces said...
WHUT?!!! Sore loser!
Monday, April 13, 2009 8:37:00 PM


My husband said the El Paraiso De Los Elefantes drawing is busy. I tell Bella...


Bella Sinclair said...
OMG!
Monday, June 01, 2009 9:22:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
OM FREAKIN' G!
Monday, June 01, 2009 9:22:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
I LOVE THIS!!! I LOVE THIS!!! SOOOOOOOOO NOT BUSY! IT'S COHESIVE! IT'S A MASTERPIECE!
Monday, June 01, 2009 9:23:00 PM
Ces said...
It's my birthday present for you! HAHAHAH!
Monday, June 01, 2009 9:29:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
Only you give presents to others on your own birthday, love.
Monday, June 01, 2009 9:34:00 PM
Bella Sinclair said...
I cannot get over how delightful this is! I am going to ride on his back. Good thing he's headed west.


"My dearest friend knows me too well, gives me support but ruins my sleep and makes me aware of being alive, who inspired me to draw the above piece when she wrote "You are my red Fiestaware in the snow". That is one of the greatest compliments I have received. Thank you very much."




Bella Sinclair said...
Ack! My TOES! They are burning up!Awwww, Ces, sister-friend. Thank you for this. I am weeping with joy. I need to borrow some of your wee men to come push these joyful tears aside. Perhaps the one rolling the penny -- he looks nice and strong. And I must say. It is a pure privilege to help your phalanges adduct and abduct. One day, my phalenges will embrace your phalenges. HA!I am such a wreck this morning with both tears and laughter. You drew SARDINES! Ahahahahaha! I love it! But tell me, does it make you lose your hair, too?





LOVE
.

Love leaves blemishes like the drying autumn leaves that eventually rot.

.

Bella Sinclair said... How do you know the exact time you fell in love! Ces, I'm just haunted by your post. I'm so, so sorry you've been hurt, and I agree that some types of love are over-rated. Love leaves blemishes, and yet blemishes are beautiful. Your words. Sometimes I wouldn't know I was alive if it weren't for the heartache and pain I feel. I hope you bought yourself some kick-a** jewelry.P.S. Your leaves are stunning. How did you get so many done so quickly!
.
Very simple! I could not wait to show them to you!
(and she's the only one who knows the whole story about how I fell in love...HAHAHA!)

6/10/09

Ceslligraphy

A. Pigma ink on 14"x11" Bristol Board. Click on image for enlarged view.
.
This is my new project. It's an illustrated alphabet in my own calligraphy style. I don't know if I am going to fill up the entire Bristol board with ink. I have to make 26 of these and they measure 14"x11", so it's not like I can whip them up in a day. I have to think about that.
.
The drawing on the left is for Arija who is in love with what she calls Ceselephant Trees. I drew the one on the left while waiting for my pizza at the cafe at lunchtime today. The pizza was awful! I felt like an elephant after eating it. The bottom photograph is our beloved dog Daisy playing in our sun-burnt yard.
.
.

6/6/09

Illustration Friday - Craving

.
Don't Eat The Sardines!
.
Pigma ink on ruled Moleskine pocket notebook. There are twelve sardine men, can you find them?
.

This post is dedicated to Bella Sinclair, my dearest sister-friend whose intellectual stimulation, beautiful, adorable and desirable art and wicked sense of humor I crave. I am excitedly awaiting the day she makes the sun shine brighter in North America! The other night we were talking about craving and I told her that I sometimes crave for sardines which nauseates me and makes me sick unless I drink black tea. Yes, it's weird, what can I say. It's an unusual form of craving. It's obvious, I can't eat the above sardines.
.
Bella, is my Thalia who makes me laugh, my Calliope and Erato who make me wax poetic, my Euterpe who makes me sing despite being out of tune and my Terpsichore who makes me skip and jump. She, with my Espilons, my Viking, my family and friends make my life fuller, happier and more blessed.
.
She, together with Renee and Arija, inspire me to new heights, they brush the cobwebs of self doubt in my mind and power wash the stain of disappointment in my heart.
.
They make me smile that makes it easier for my hand to bend and my phalanges to adduct and abduct to create lines and squiggles that form objects on a Bristol Board and stretched canvases. They make my blind eyes see without a magnifying glass to create minute men climb rocks and mountains and pachyderms run around landscapes.
.
If you click on the photgraph you may see the little men running around the letter A "Ceslligraphy".