So Long My Dearest Grove

Unfinished American Basswood Grove II

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Early this month when we went to visit my Father-in-Law, on the day we arrived at his house, I entered through the kitchen door. There in front of me was the picture I drew of the American basswood grove which I had given to him as a present. I smiled when I saw it but my attention was soon directed to the most gorgeous color pencil drawing of a red and green bell pepper made by my sister-in-law. She is a terrific artist, a perfectionist! I thought it was a photograph at first. I miss my sister-in-law. She used to live near us and we shared so many interests. We agreed to draw something for each other.
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In the meantime, there I was at my father-in-law's house with my drawing supplies. My sister-in-law and I started talking about ATCs. That's when she made me change my perception of the ATCs. I actually drew 9 of them because she told me that there was mat board that could display 9 ATCs. So I did that, spilled coffee on the drawings, salvaged them and gave them as a gift to a dear friend.
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Let me share something with you first, and this is not about bragging or being arrogant. Sometimes, I don't know how I draw these things or even manage to finish them. I know I can draw and paint but if someone asked me to draw something my hands won't move. My brain revolts. I cannot draw on command or request. I become very unsure of myself and I draw the most sorry pictures. On the other hand I also bristle at the suggestion of someone who will ask me to paint something to match the color scheme of their living room. I draw and paint at my own will and desire.
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Back to the American basswood grove. I like that drawing and I looked at it and wondered how in the world was I able to finish that drawing, it seemed like it took forever!. Yet, there I was the following day running out of ideas so I decided to draw the American basswood grove again, except instead of the original 9"x12" drawing, I chose to draw it again on 14"x17" board. That was the week of Ces The Copyist.

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Last night I made a promise not to draw for six weeks. It was a deal I made with someone very dear to me. I know I need the rest but I managed to squeeze something rather selfish. I will rest my hands from drawing if she did something. It's hard for her to really find out if I draw or not, and I can always sneak in a squiggle and a line or two, but you know what? I made a promise and this morning when I woke up, I saw that American basswood grove by my bed with a pen clipped to the drawing board and it was screaming, screaming for me to pick it up and draw some more leaves and I picked it up and took it with me to the kitchen while I brewed coffee and I was getting very weak and I sat down in front of it and opened the drawing board and I opened the pen cap and I set my hand to draw and I remembered her asking me how she can trust me and I replied, "I love you, I won't lie to you" then a voice told me "just don't do it."

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I put the drawing aside and put my head over my hands on the table and cried.