Okay, here we go. I am starting with a clean slate for the new year. even though I have been drawing images in line with the new title I thought:
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True Tales From Triage To Trauma
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I started with the first image and wrote the story accompanying it. At first I thought it would be acceptable, I am not mentioning any names, specific dates and places, besides I was focusing on my thought and emotional process during the episodes, but as I went on, I felt uncomfortable and that I should keep to myself what I experienced in the trauma rooms during my emergency nursing career. I can't do it. I won't make it public. I'll create the art and words journal for myself and someday, perhaps give it to my daughter. Sorry. I can't do it. Maybe I'll change the topic to:
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Burnout or How I used to come home from work, physically and emotionally exhausted, crashed in the sofa in my scrub uniform, complete with shoes and wake up just in time to get ready for another work day.
:)
ReplyDeleteYep. I thought of writing my childhood wartime experiences as another blog to give me more incentive to get on withit. Though the people I would mention are all long dead, I could not. I'll just keep writing it, bind it into a book and leave it to my children. If my daughter wants to use it as a basis for a novel, that's all right.
ReplyDeleteThat is shocking that a job can be so draining when you give it so much of your self and energy. I saw how the nurses where Iwas worked, and did double shifts sometimes if another could not do her shift... amazing
ReplyDeleteHallo dear Ces, thank you for your visit and your sweet comment!
ReplyDeleteI love your new avatar also very much. To me it expresses the desire to lean back and forget the world, at least for a moment,and take a rest :)
My life theme would be "poisonous pedagogy" which was quite common after World War II here. Manipulation, corporal punishment... Wiki describes it quite well http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisonous_pedagogy.
Leaves its scars on you.
Yes Ces, I see my daughter like this sometimes, I worry she is working too hard.Nursing is extremely demanding. She tries to keep a tight lid on things but needs to find emotional release at times. I don't know how she does it.There are stories, some too sad to even think about, and on top of exhaustion and sometimes verbal abuse,paperwork and ratios,nurses do an incredible job.
ReplyDeleteBack at you KJ.
ReplyDeleteArija, I can see why you would want to write about your experiences in the war. I wish my Mother did, although she told us of her experiences. Someday, I may paint some of the scenes that I developed in my mind. I tried to make a study once and I had to stop because I could not stop crying.
ReplyDeleteI hope you decide to write about it even if make it a private memoir for now, I hope someday you will be able to share it.
Krissie, what people do not realize is how emotionally taxing the healthcare field could be. I hear a lot of commercials about recession-proof jobs and they mention nursing. That is not true. What these commercial training schools (that are far removed from the advancement of the profession, they are just diploma mills) fail to mention is that one must have critical thinking skills to be a successful nurse.
ReplyDeleteOh my dear Maria. How sad to read about it. However, I have a newfound admiration for you because despite of the poisonous pedagogy, you managed to free yourself from victimization and I find you one of the most pleasant and wholesome and wonderful blogger. Your blog resonantes with happiness and a zest for life. You are a winner!
ReplyDeletePam, more power to your daughter. I hope she will love nursing. I did and do, I am still a nurse, although no longer in the clinical area. My best friends are nurses and we share a silent bond.
ReplyDeleteUPDATE:
ReplyDeleteReading these comments has helped me made me change my mind. I will write about my nursing experience. It is part of who I am.
Good on you Ces, you can change the names to protect the innocent but I think the more people know about the trials, tribulations and victories of nursing the better. It's an underrated profession and those who take part in it treat it as a vocation not just a job. You go girl!
ReplyDeletegood thinking... do use it as a cathartic exercise and something to pass on to you daughter :)
ReplyDeleteI understand, Ces -- there have been posts I've written and then gone back to quickly delete for a lot of the same reasons -- and it was personal stuff that I decided to keep to myself. What you went through and experienced has so much to it and you deserve to express it in a way that helps you feel better.
ReplyDeleteLoved the skywatch shot!! That moon was just gorgeous last week.
Hope you had a nice weekend! :)
Hey Baino, hear here! I need to guide it through a personal experience rather than a documentation of someone's care.
ReplyDeleteWolfy, catharsis is a good word and a welcome process. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, the whole sky was gorgeous.Of course those up north saw nothing but white but they brought a riotous display of clouds down here. Thanks, I just need to make sure it's a personal experience rather than story telling.
ReplyDeleteHow does anyone do that job day after day? And more so, is it even possible to do that job day after day without burning out? I dont think so.
ReplyDeleteI do like the idea of your doing it privately for yourself though, but only if it helps!
:)
Mind you - I didnt read others' comments till after I sent my first one....D'oh!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Lavender, thank you. Nurses do get burned out if it means that the the drain of physical labor finally catches up. There were times when the emotions ran high but I was not a particularly emotional person, I tend to be more logical and focused on getting things done. That is why I was most uncomfortable with psychiatric nursing and excelled in emergency and trauma nursing.
ReplyDeleteMY! Your blank slate was startling. I'd rather not think of it as a blank slate, but as a new layer of vellum placed on top of the older images. Don't wipe them clean. They are your foundation.
ReplyDeleteMy brother-in-law is an ER doc, and he doesn't like to talk about his work either. I imagine it is like your own personal war zone, someplace that quickly ages your soul.
There's a theory that people do not see their thoughts as real until they share them with another. You can think something all you want, but having someone hear it gives it life. So I can see how drawing and writing about your traumatic experiences can be painful. It's confirmation that it really did happen. But maybe you will feel more accepting of them once you work them through.
Hugs to you.
Dear Bella, the sharing of an experience with another person I think is a desire to seek verification of an event especially those traumatic ones. The ER can be a war zone indeed with doctors and nurses battling the pain and suffering that invade the patients. It isn't so much that I want to record those events but how I reacted to them and how they affected me. Some of them of course were very happy moments. Thank you very much!
ReplyDeleteOh Ces, you are such a lovable person!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
Hugs, Maria
Aw thank you Maria.
ReplyDelete