Domestic Abuse - Women and Children With Brave Hearts

WARNING - This is long.

On my heritage, I am torn between the beautiful and loving scenes of family life, strong women, gentle men, intelligent children, scenic islands, azure skies, a happy and hospitable people; and the ugliness of violence, the stench of poverty, the deaths from hunger, of subservience, crime against neighbors, the reduction of demure women to prostitution, idiotic machismo, sloth and greed of the rich, a condoning church and an inherently incompetent and corrupt government.

.

The Advice, Oil on Canvas. 30x40 inches. This is a painting depicting two women in the rice fields. They are Ilonggos of the Negros Occidental province. You will know this because they are wearing patadyong garments. The woman on the left is a battered woman. Her friend is giving her support and advice. Battered women in the Philippines do not have means to safety and public support. Domestic abuse is tolerated by the government and the church. There are no laws to protect children and women from domestic abuse. An abused wife cannot seek divorce and if she leaves her family she risks the chances of being a pariah.

.

.
The Spider Web. This is an image depicting Isabella about to catch a spider but her attention was diverted to a scene where her neighbor was strangling his wife. This is a ball point drawing on Moleskine ruled notebook.
.

I was going fishing today but I visited Sidney’s Sari-Sari Store (blog) and was sidetracked. Sidney is my favourite photographer of the Philippines. He is Belgian. He is not a professional photo-journalist but he is better than most distinguished photo-journalists. He is observant, objective, has rapport with the people and respectful of the culture. Sidney photographs daily living in the Philippines. Those of you, who want an understanding of what life in the Philippines is, please visit Sidney’s blog. Be courageous and open-minded. The reason why am writing about this topic today is because I visited Sidney’s blog last night and left a very lengthy comment. I did not mean to ramble but it was about a topic close to my heart. This morning he returned my visit and told me that visiting his blog elevates my blood pressure. I smiled. Maybe, maybe not. I love to visit Sidney and I always have a personal opinion about his posts. He is featuring the contrasts between the rich and the poor but an image of a child with a black-eye saddened me. Today I rambled again on his blog:

.
“I don't understand why you would post photographs on a public blog open to the public for comments and then be surprised about people's reactions. An image of a battered child, wife or elderly is not rare in the Philippines. They simply were not photographed for their own dignity. The child is a different matter. This is not to say that I do not condone public discussion of this issue. In fact, it is my greatest and first disappointment with the Philippines as a nation and as a people. Why would a kind, loving and family oriented society remain tolerant of such abuses? It is simply lack of education and the society's acceptance of machismo and the status quo and the church's tolerance of spousal abuse for the sake of upholding marriages.
.

If we all notice, societies with strong religious influence on governments (South and Central America, Moslem nations) this is a prevalent issue. Violence towards children and women are tolerated. These societies SHAME and BLAME the victims rather than punish the perpetrators. That is why hospitals rarely or never treat rape victims, battered wives and battered teen-agers until they are heavily beaten or dying because they feel shame and the care-givers blame them for their conditions. This was the same in the US except women have more rights, (this is one of the greatest achievements of the women's movement). As an Emergency and Trauma nurse in the US I saw abuse victims and was horrified to still hear other care-givers say "she could just leave". .
.

It is very easy to say "Why don't you leave then?" or "Why do you stay married to him?" In a country with no divorce and the church condemning the woman for abandoning her family, or simply told "This is your fate" or "You should please your husband more", this is a difficult task. Battered women and children are simply trapped.
.
I was a student at UP Diliman when an American friend and I were walking along Padre Faura Avenue. A man was beating his wife in public. People just passed by and ignored the incident. We told the Manila Police officer standing in the corner who also observed the incident to stop it. He told us that it was a "private affair." In public! My heart broke. Then I told my parents, especially my Father and my brothers, all gentle non-violent men that if I ever marry, I will never marry a Filipino man not because he may turn out to be abusive but because being a married woman in the Philippines is a trap.
.
I grew up in a very kind and loving family. My Mother, a progressive thinking woman did not tolerate abuses and taught women to be strong. My childhood home was a refuge for our neighbors who were battered by their drunken and insecure husbands every night. It was horrible for a child to hear screams of pain from an adult.
.
I have used too much of your blog space. This is a very sad issue Sidney and it is sad everyday for some Filipino women and children and they (sic) people who love them.”


This was the photograph that saddened me on Sidney’s blog . I hope to earn enough money and someday build a big house in the Philippines that will be a refuge for battered women and children.